Elementary school tests be like...

Dating a Nursing Student

Yep, that's what it's like. And she tried to palpate it too.

Literally, Yuki Daruma

Oh shoot, I didn't finish that top kanji. It was supposed to be 福.

Ok, so you know how snowmen are, right? Three big snowy balls. Well Japanese snowmen typically have two big snowy balls instead. 

But that's not really important. What's important for now is that the Japanese word for "snowman" is "yukidaruma". "Yuki" means "snow" and a "daruma" is a traditional doll that, like Weebles, wobbles but doesn't fall down. But daruma are more egg-shaped than two-balls-on-top-of-each-other-shaped, so that's why I decided to make an actual yukidaruma; a daruma made out of yuki.

Check out how mediocre it turned out! Even so, I worked hard on this thing, so its mediocrity isn't gonna stop me from sharing it.

Click to enlarge.
There's a banana for scale, but it's still in the kitchen and not in the frame.

Building a daruma out of snow also exemplifies the Buddhist idea of impermanence.

I wiped my butt with a potato chip

What follows is the story of a dream I had on February 9th, 2014.

"How did it come to this? I was in the bathroom and just had a rather cathartic poop, but it was now time to wipe. It wasn't that there was no toilet paper to be had, but for some reason I was determined not to use it. Instead, I used the next best thing: a potato chip. The potato chip had supportive ridges, granting it the structural integrity to resist the force of my pressing butt cheeks. I dug in with it and was barely able to scratch the surface of some unwilling poop.

I knew that my muscle memory and force of habit would be a dangerous combination and that if I wasn't careful, I may accidentally consume this soiled chip without thinking. I looked at the chip and pondered this for several moments. It was only by summoning all of my willpower that I was able to resist the illogical draw of muscle memory and throw away the once appetizing potato chip.

Thanks to the scooping ability of the chip, I was able to finish my business and exit the restroom.

Hail corporate."

ErmahG.E.R.D.

Originally posted to my Facebook wall on Oct. 12, 2012.