tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9737446597123148832024-03-13T11:04:25.059-04:00My Own HornNot to toot my own horn, but I made all this stuff. Look at me, mom! I'm on the internet!Linkumshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12194405610935261428noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-973744659712314883.post-49328827161074750982017-01-27T19:59:00.000-05:002017-01-27T19:59:12.805-05:00Decorative Pig (inedible) - Craiglist ad<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Linkumshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12194405610935261428noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-973744659712314883.post-5583828438007697702014-11-27T18:51:00.000-05:002014-11-27T18:51:57.952-05:00Elementary school tests be like...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-GYthgKFaLUk/VHe42_8gXXI/AAAAAAAAV9M/M9tcn9xOxxM/s1600/complete%2Bsentences.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-GYthgKFaLUk/VHe42_8gXXI/AAAAAAAAV9M/M9tcn9xOxxM/s1600/complete%2Bsentences.jpg" height="640" width="504" /></a></div>
Linkumshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12194405610935261428noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-973744659712314883.post-28917670845950438912014-03-06T12:19:00.000-05:002014-03-06T12:19:01.309-05:00Dating a Nursing Student<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yep, that's what it's like. And she tried to palpate it too.</span></div>
Linkumshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12194405610935261428noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-973744659712314883.post-20439433945507564012014-02-15T15:09:00.000-05:002014-02-15T23:06:54.255-05:00Literally, Yuki Daruma<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-EqKWtJBOxbw/Uv_IrsZ7Y0I/AAAAAAAAVEU/1KGaEgk7A-I/s1600/P1000355.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-EqKWtJBOxbw/Uv_IrsZ7Y0I/AAAAAAAAVEU/1KGaEgk7A-I/s1600/P1000355.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Oh shoot, I didn't finish that top kanji. It was supposed to be 福.</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ok, so you know how snowmen are, right? Three big snowy balls. Well Japanese snowmen typically have two big snowy balls instead. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But that's not really important. What's important for now is that the Japanese word for "snowman" is "<i>yukidaruma</i>". "<i>Yuki</i>" means "snow" and a "<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daruma_doll"><i>daruma</i></a>" is a traditional doll that, like Weebles, wobbles but doesn't fall down. But <i>daruma</i> are more egg-shaped than two-balls-on-top-of-each-other-shaped, so that's why I decided to make an actual <i>yukidaruma</i>; a <i>daruma</i> made out of <i>yuki</i>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Check out how mediocre it turned out! Even so, I worked hard on this thing, so its mediocrity isn't gonna stop me from sharing it.</span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; letter-spacing: normal; margin-bottom: 0.5em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; orphans: auto; padding: 6px; text-align: center; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DnHmiCKU0oY/Uv_H4YZ4BlI/AAAAAAAAVEE/q5-ySnjv11c/s1600/P1000351.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DnHmiCKU0oY/Uv_H4YZ4BlI/AAAAAAAAVEE/q5-ySnjv11c/s1600/P1000351.JPG" height="261" style="cursor: move;" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px; padding-top: 4px; text-align: center;">Click to enlarge.<br />
There's a banana for scale, but it's still in the kitchen and not in the frame.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MqTxy3abArg/Uv_IV-MRmEI/AAAAAAAAVEM/VNHOhOVpKGY/s1600/P1000356.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MqTxy3abArg/Uv_IV-MRmEI/AAAAAAAAVEM/VNHOhOVpKGY/s1600/P1000356.JPG" height="640" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Building a daruma out of snow also exemplifies the Buddhist idea of impermanence.</td></tr>
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Linkumshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12194405610935261428noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-973744659712314883.post-61385918606297167622014-02-10T18:54:00.000-05:002014-02-10T18:54:52.846-05:00I wiped my butt with a potato chip<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What follows is the story of a dream I had on February 9th, 2014.</span><div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"How did it come to this? I was in the bathroom and just had a rather cathartic poop, but it was now time to wipe. It wasn't that there was no toilet paper to be had, but for some reason I was determined not to use it. Instead, I used the next best thing: a potato chip. The potato chip had supportive ridges, granting it the structural integrity to resist the force of my pressing butt cheeks. I dug in with it and was barely able to scratch the surface of some unwilling poop.<br /><br />I knew that my muscle memory and force of habit would be a dangerous combination and that if I wasn't careful, I may accidentally consume this soiled chip without thinking. I looked at the chip and pondered this for several moments. It was only by summoning all of my willpower that I was able to resist the illogical draw of muscle memory and throw away the once appetizing potato chip.<br /><br />Thanks to the scooping ability of the chip, I was able to finish my business and exit the restroom.<br /><br /><a href="http://reddit.com/r/hailcorporate">Hail corporate</a>."</span></div>
Linkumshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12194405610935261428noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-973744659712314883.post-41298490847420584952014-01-03T18:44:00.000-05:002014-01-03T18:44:01.485-05:00ErmahG.E.R.D.<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5LHo9PjRu9o/UsdKfynaAXI/AAAAAAAAU50/bRjRCatXeU8/s1600/ermahgerd.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5LHo9PjRu9o/UsdKfynaAXI/AAAAAAAAU50/bRjRCatXeU8/s1600/ermahgerd.png" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Originally posted to my Facebook wall on Oct. 12, 2012.</td></tr>
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Linkumshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12194405610935261428noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-973744659712314883.post-13967922578961609522013-12-20T14:19:00.002-05:002013-12-20T20:00:02.432-05:00Who's not smart enough?<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-A3a--pFQ6YQ/UrSXtesvQAI/AAAAAAAAU1U/6_IZVmKh4M4/s1600/stupid+democrat.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="375" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-A3a--pFQ6YQ/UrSXtesvQAI/AAAAAAAAU1U/6_IZVmKh4M4/s400/stupid+democrat.JPG" width="500" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Click to enlarge</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is the Christmas card my family got from our Democrat relative this year. Yes, he really did send us the password to his email account, make his joke not make any sense, invent a new word, and use a comma incorrectly. He's not really helping his case much.</span>Linkumshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12194405610935261428noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-973744659712314883.post-74541676698591668022013-11-27T11:33:00.001-05:002013-11-27T11:33:40.272-05:00Kino's Journey V - 2nd Story: The Land of Permitted Murder<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">(Originally translated and written as part of my senior project in the spring of 2012. <br />Note that since this was going to be graded by my Japanese teacher, I erred on the side of an overly literal translation.)</span></div>
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Kino's Journey -The Beautiful World- V</div>
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2nd Story : Land of Permitted Murder</div>
<div style="font-size: x-large; text-align: center;">
-Jungle's Rule-</div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ZpFLOfEa5uM/UpYeYqXwRSI/AAAAAAAAUvs/blVM_mVkGYI/s1600/kino+no+tabi+5+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="290" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ZpFLOfEa5uM/UpYeYqXwRSI/AAAAAAAAUvs/blVM_mVkGYI/s400/kino+no+tabi+5+2.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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There was a prairie and a lake.</div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The flat earth was covered in grass and trees as far as the eye could see. Clear water from underground bubbled out to fill small ditches, forming several small ponds. </div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The bright summer sun illuminated the vegetation on the ground and in the water. There wasn't a cloud in the sky. The blue, dry atmosphere extended everywhere. </div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>There was one way through the prairie.</div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>It was a narrow road and judging from the grass growing on it, it didn't seem to have seen much traffic. Avoiding the lake, the road extended roughly from east to west.</div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>One motorrad (a motorcycle) was running west down the road, fully loaded with travel luggage on its back, both sides, and on top. A silver cup strapped to the side of the bag was rattling as the motorrad sped along the path. </div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The driver was wearing a black vest under an open white jacket. Around her waist was fastened a thick belt with a hand Persuader (a pistol) holster on her right thigh and a slender automatic one holstered against her lower back. </div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The rider wore a brimmed hat with goggles over her black hair. Under the hat was the driver's young face. She seemed to be in their mid-teens. </div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"There's a horse. See it? Kino," the motorrad said suddenly while riding.</div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Kino, the driver, narrowed her eyes under her goggles at the road ahead.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Yeah, I see it. Looks like someone's there."</div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Kino released the handle with her left hand to check the Persuader against her back and then the revolver at her thigh with her right hand.</div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"I'm stopping, Hermes."</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>On the side of the road was a horse, laden with luggage, drinking from the lake. Near it was a man with a hat over his face, sleeping on his back. The sound of the motorrad's engine woke him.</div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The young man, who appeared to be in his twenties, wore riding pants and boots, a thin jacket, and a hand Persuader holster on his right hip containing a forty-five caliber automatic. </div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The man waved to the approaching motorrad.</div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Hey," he called out to Kino as she brought the motorrad to a stop.</div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Kino got off the motorrad and put down the kickstand, leaving the engine running.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Hello."</div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Howdy." </div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Kino and Hermes, her motorrad, greeted him.</div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Are you from the country up ahead?" the man asked.</div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"No. We're on our way there now," Kino replied.</div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Great, I was just on my way there myself. How about going together? That way you could take half my load for me. It oughta be light for a motorrad," asked the man matter-of-factly.</div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"I can't do that," replied Kino, just as straightly, with Hermes chiming in with agreement.</div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The man frowned, openly showing his annoyance, "Well aren't you a cold one. You can't even do that simple thing?"</div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"That's right," Kino answered with a polite smile. "If I did that, I could just take all your stuff and run. Then I'd get there first and sell it all." </div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Kino turned away in disinterest and the man tut-tutted in disapproval. </div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Well, that's alright... But by the way!" The man looked at Kino as if staring right into her. "Do you know about that country? Have you heard what kind of country it is?" the man asked.</div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"I don't know any details, but I've heard that it's a very gentlemanly country," replied Kino. </div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The man burst into laughter and said with a smirk, "Who told you that?! That's completely wrong!"</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"What did you hear?"</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The man laughed again. "Heh heh heh. Guess it can't be helped. I'll enlighten ya, since it's so amusing. About that country... they call it 'The Land of Permitted Murder'."</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Sorry, what was that?" Hermes asked.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"By law, murder isn't prohibited. You can't steal, but hurting and killing people and every other crime like that isn't prosecuted. It's like it's the murdered person's fault more than the murderer's. It's a jungle in there, just inside the walls. It's a pretty well known story," said the man, who seemed to be enjoying himself.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"And you're wanting to go there then?" Kino asked.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Yeah, of course. I'll live there. My home country has ludicrously good security and everyone's on stupidly good terms with each other. I absolutely despised it. It was always 'laws, laws, laws' there, so did 'em a favor and ditched the place."</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"So, how do you become a citizen of this other country?" asked Hermes.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"I dunno... at this point I'll just live there and see how it goes." The man paused, "If there's a guy I don't like, I'll beat him to death. Seems like a good place for someone like me," he said, acting cool.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Hmm... That doesn't sound very interesting to me," Hermes replied. The man looked offended.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Well besides that, there's someone I look up to in that country. Maybe you guys have heard of him? That 'Mr. Legal'."</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"No." "Don't know him." Kino and Hermes said shortly.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"I guess you guys really are from out of town." The man paused in amazement for a moment and then started to gladly and quickly explain. "That 'Mr. Legal', he's from a big country to the south where he's the leader of a band of robbers and terrorists and is a well-known serial killer. He accidentally got himself caught, but was such a tough guy that he escaped just before the hanging and fled the country. That's already decades in the past, but he still hasn't been caught so it's almost certainly like they say, that in the end, murderers end up in that country. They say assassins and killers from all over the world gather in that country. So surely he'd be free to kill as much as he wants. I really look up to him and would love to meet him. I wish I could tell you even more!"</div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"I see. Well, with that we'll be off then," Kino said, climbing back onto Hermes.</div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"You're a boring one... Hey," the man called out to stop Kino, glaring at her. "You really can't carry anything for me?"</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Yes, please carry your own travel luggage," said Kino, as though stating the obvious, and immediately started up Hermes.</div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The man was left surrounded in the roar of the engine.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>He looked over his shoulder as they drove off. "Fine. I swear, if I see them again inside that country..." he muttered to himself and laughed. </div>
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<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Walls connected to the lake with aqueducts and canals which had been dug outside. The white stone walls towered tall above them.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>It was evening when Kino and Hermes arrived near the gate. As soon as they arrived, the bridge over the canal slowly lowered down.</div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"So, a country where they don't prohibit murder... I bet there'll be some amazing things in there," Hermes said, seemingly enjoying himself.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Probably so."</div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"You ready?" </div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"As ready as I'll ever be." </div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"You don't need to do any preparations for your Persuader?"</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"I always do them, so it'll be fine. Now then, shall we go?" Kino replied and started crossing the bridge.</div>
<div>
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<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Do you wish to immigrate? Or are you are you traveling and wish to stay for a short time?" an immigration officer inquired to Kino from inside a small guardroom outside the gate.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Kino told him that they were the latter and would like to stay for three days.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Are you aware that this country does not legally prohibit murder? Regardless of whether you are a citizen or a traveler, within this country, killing for any reason will not be considered a crime. Do you understand?" the immigration asked as a precaution. </div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Kino nodded.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Knowing this, you still wish to enter the country?" the immigration inspector asked again.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Strange country, isn't it?" Kino said while taking down the luggage from Hermes.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Inside the hotel room, there was a simple chair and bed, as well as a lamp and fan placed along the wall. In the corner was a fireplace, sealed shut so it could not be used. </div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"You think so? I was thinking that it was pretty normal," Hermes replied, propped up on his center stand in the corner of the room.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"That's what I mean. And besides that, the town is beautiful and even in the evening there are a lot of people out walking around. The people aren't nervous and there don't appear to be many police officers in town. The stores didn't have any sturdy shutters either. And they're kind to travelers as well."</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>After passing through the city walls, Kino and Hermes had ridden for a while through farmland. When they asked directions to a hotel in town, the people nearby gathered and happily had shown them the way.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Hermes asked, "In other words?"</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"What I'm saying is that the public order here is very good, and that's what's strange," Kino replied.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Ah, I see. Since murder isn't legally prohibited, were you hoping for gangs of ruffians strutting around, women fighting in bars, and dogs trotting around biting people's hands? That's too bad," said Hermes. </div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Well, I wouldn't really say I was hoping for it..."</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Kino unloaded her luggage next to the bed, took off her holster and vest, and removed the revolver called Cannon from her right thigh.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Or perhaps...." Kino murmured to herself while she looked at the Cannon's black luster.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Perhaps what?" asked Hermes.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Well, whatever. You might understand eventually." Without saying a word more, Kino laid down on the bed with the Cannon still resting on her chest.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"What's that? ...I guess there's no point in asking any more. Goodnight." </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The next morning Kino woke at dawn as always. </div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>She opened the window and shutters. A quiet street and a clear blue sky with thin streaks of clouds stretched out before her eyes.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Kino warmed up with some light exercises, then began training with her Cannon and Woodsman, the automatic she kept on her back. She repeatedly practiced her quick draw, rapidly pulling each gun from its holster to a firing position. Afterwards, she disassembled the guns and cleaned them before returning them and the cleaning oil to their holsters.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>After taking a shower, Kino got some breakfast from the hotel. With the sun risen, she tapped Hermes awake and left the hotel.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The town was lined with old stone buildings. Along both sides of what seemed to be the main street were shops, the upper floors of which had apartments.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Kino went into a store and sold the things she didn't need as well as other sellable items from her travels , then bought the things she needed. Once the good-hearted, middle-aged shopkeeper learned that Kino was a traveler, he gave her a bargain.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Behind his chair, a long rifle-type Persuader was propped up. Kino asked whether it was for defending against robberies, but the shopkeeper shook his head.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"We've never had a robber in this store or the neighboring stores. This," the shopkeeper answered, "is for killing people."</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Hmm... When?" Hermes asked.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Hm? Who knows when... I know the sort of situations, but I don't know when they'll arise, so I always just keep it around," the shopkeeper replied with a laugh.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"I see," Kino murmured quietly.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>After they had finished shopping, Kino and Hermes rode around to see the country. The country was not very big and by the afternoon they had finished their tour and returned to the main street.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>They found a restaurant with tables alongside the street and Kino took a seat, with Hermes behind her chair. A cool breeze passed through in the shade.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Kino asked the waiter if they had anything sweet and was told that there was the recommended special. Without really knowing what it was, she ordered it.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Here you are. Please take your time."</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"........"</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>What came out was a cream crepe of tremendous size, piled up like a mountain on a huge plate.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"........"</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Kino?"</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Everything's a challenge."</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Kino attacked it with a knife, chopping it up roughly until, after some time, she had eaten all of it. Hermes just watched in amazement.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>A short while after she finished eating, a number of elderly people came and sat down in a group around Kino.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Having found Kino, an elderly lady from among them asked, "Hey, are you the traveler?"</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Kino said yes and the old woman said that they had just finished their hobby of dancing and that they always came to that shop to eat afterwards, so naturally they came today too, and continued on about things that Kino didn't particularly ask about. </div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"So traveler, don't you think this country has very good public order?" the old woman asked.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Yes, it's very good," Kino said honestly.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>A man in the group with a cane and a long white beard asked Kino, "Where are you heading?"</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"I don't know," Kino answered.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Well then, do you know, Mr. Motorrad?" the old man asked.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"You kidding?" Hermes replied, the pitch of his voice raising at the end.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Hm... Well then, how about moving to this country?" said the old man.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Yes, that's a great idea! Why don't you do that? We'll help you out and can find a place for you to live as early as tomorrow, then it's just a simple matter of procedure down at the town hall, you'll just need to sign your name on the paper and then--"</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Then, softly ignoring the old woman who was talking as fast and loudly as a machine gun, the old man said to Kino, "How about it? I think this country would be well suited for a person like you."</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"What kind of person is that?" Hermes asked from behind the chair.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The bearded old man answered with a smile, "A person who can kill people."</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"........"</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Kino paused for a while and then shook her head.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Is that so. That's too bad... But I hope you'll have a relaxing stay. Traveling is dangerous business, so hopefully being here a bit will put your mind at ease."</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Thank you. I'll take you up on that."</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"I wonder what you'd think of this country's sweets? They're really quite nice; I think they'd make a good souvenir for your travels. Then we could talk a little about matters outside the city walls instead," the old man suggested. Kino shook her head, with a chagrined face.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Hermes explained, "Sorry, she just finished stuffing herself with those sweets."</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Ah, is that right? Well then, how about tea tomorrow morning?"</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The next day. Specifically, it was the morning of the third day since Kino had entered the country.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Kino got up at dawn. She did her light exercises and Persuader training, took a shower as though reluctant to part with it, and had breakfast. </div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>She arranged the luggage and piled it up on Hermes, securely fixing it to him.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>She tapped Hermes awake and headed out to the restaurant on the street. The bearded old man from the day before was leisurely drinking tea. Kino was stopped by the old man and they talked about the state of the neighboring countries. The old man squinted his eyes and seemed to greatly enjoy listening. Then he treated Kino to tea and dessert and the two of them divided up the mountain of it and ate it together.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"I'm afraid we'll have to be going soon," said Kino as the restaurant began to get crowded with the noon rush.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Is that so... Well, thank you, I honestly enjoyed our time," the old man said politely with a bow, which Kino reciprocated. </div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Kino pushed Hermes back out to the street. She started the engine and the sound echoed out somewhat disrupting the quiet of the town.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>On the street, Kino nodded to the old man with the cane just as she put Hermes into gear.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"You!! I found ya! Stop right there!" shouted a loud voice. "It's you! You on the motorrad with the black vest!"</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The man Kino had seen outside the country two days before came screaming out of a building. Kino cut Hermes's engine. The street became quiet.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"This place is just perfect. Don't move!"</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>All the people in the area were paying close attention to the man. He approached Kino, who got off Hermes and kicked down his side stand.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"What is it?" Kino asked, standing in front of Hermes.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"The luggage you've got on your motorrad, put it all on the ground!" said the man, who stood a short distance away.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"May I ask what for?"</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"I'll take it for ya. It must be pretty heavy, right? So I'll help ya lessen the weight. I'll take it all, use what I can use, sell what I don't need, and use it for my living expenses. Sound like a plan?"</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"I understand, but I couldn't possibly trouble you so much. I refuse," Kino said. </div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The man cackled and added, "If you refuse, I'll kill you here and now. I'll ask again. If you value your life, leave your luggage and go. Don't worry, I'm not gonna take your clothes off or anything. How about it?"</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The man glanced to the holster on his right hip, where a loaded hand Persuader could be seen. </div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The people who were in the street started pulling away into buildings.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"So you immigrated then, huh?," Kino said.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Of course! I'm now a citizen of this country."</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"But you don't act like one," said Kino. </div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The man frowned. </div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Huh...? That stuff doesn't matter. What's your reply?"</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Kino looked to her left and right. No one was in the streets but she could see shadows in the second floor windows of the buildings.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"We refuse. Since we're already leaving the country."</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"I guess there's no more negotiating then..."</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The man spread his feet shoulder width apart and shook out his hands and shoulders.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Hermes... Sorry but, could you give me a sec?" Kino said quietly.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Understood. Just patch up the holes afterward, alright?" Hermes replied.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The man pulled out his Persuader from his waist. Kino reacted quickly and twirled out of the way.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"?"</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>She took cover, crouching behind Hermes.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"..huh? What are you doing? Coward! You didn't even draw?! Is that thing on your waist just for decoration?" the man howled, thrusting his Persuader forward with his right hand and taking a step closer to Hermes.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Don't take it personally." The moment he said it, an arrow came flying at an angle from above, hitting his right arm.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The Persuader fell. The man looked at his arm. Where the arrow pierced his arm, blood flowed and dripped. </div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Uwah-!"</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Just as he cried out in pain, another arrow came flying and hit the inside of his left foot, piercing his boot and pinning it to the ground. </div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Gyah-!" The man was in agony. He couldn't remove the arrows from his foot or his arm.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"OWWWWCH-!! Dammit! Damn it!!"</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The townspeople gathered quietly around the screaming man. Everyone's face was calm, and they all were holding some sort of weapon. A man holding a big knife. A youth readying a Persuader. A young woman holding a club. A woman came out from an apartment with a crossbow.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Kino looked out at the scene, peeking out half of her face from behind Hermes's tank.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Hey! The hell'd you do that for?! Damn it hurts..."</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The old man with the cane approached the man and spoke.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"It's no good... You can't do that. That's why we stopped you."</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Wha- What...? Damn it! Hurry up and take these out will ya?!"</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"I'll answer your question," the old man said quietly. "Here, in this country... The act of killing people is not allowed."</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The man glared at the elderly man.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"What? You liar! This is the country where murder isn't prohibited! That's why I bothered to come here in the first place!"</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"You're right. You aren't mistaken about that. That's why we're here." The surrounding people chimed in calmly with agreement.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Wh-What are you saying? What are you talking about? Hey! You bastard! I don't get a thing you're sayin'! Hurry up and take out these arrows! I'll beat ya to death!"</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"I can't do that. In this country, people who have killed others, people who have tried to kill others, and people who try to kill others, all of them have ended up being killed themselves."</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"So why then?! Murder's not illegal, right?! That's why I came! 'Cause you didn't stop murderers!" the man ranted in confusion.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The quiet old man's voice continued,</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Saying it's not prohibited doesn't mean that it's allowed."</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"...Quit screwing with me! Who the hell do you think you are anyway, your majesty?"<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The old man narrowed his eyes, which were surrounded by wrinkles. </div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Who, me? I'm no one deserving of being called 'majesty'. I'm just one citizen, an old man by the name of Legal." </div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Wha...?"</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The man looked up at Legal with his mouth hanging open.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Sorry, but you are dangerous." Legal twisted the handle of his cane and pulled to reveal a sword painted a glossy black. With his weight behind it, he pierced the man's heart with the sword. And then he twisted and pulled it out.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The old man with the cane gently closed the eyes of the dead man, and everyone who was there took a moment of silence.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Kino had been watching the scene from behind.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"The death of a fellow man is always a painful thing," someone said, and everyone nodded. Someone requested that arrangements be made for the National Cemetery and someone else took on that responsibility.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Then everyone went their separate ways and returned to where they had been before.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Legal approached Kino and just said, "Take care, alright?"</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Alright," Kino replied and started Hermes's engine. The sound of the engine rang out, somewhat disturbing the quiet of the town.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Kino nodded to the elderly man with the cane from in the street and put Hermes into gear.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The motorrad rode west along a road between a meadow and a lake. When riding along the edge of the lake, their image was reflected with the sky's on the surface of the lake. </div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"There's a horse. See it? Kino," Hermes said suddenly while riding. Kino narrowed her eyes under her goggles at the road ahead.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Yeah, I see it. Looks like someone's there." Kino released the handle with her left hand to check the Persuader against her back and then the revolver at her thigh with her right hand.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"I'm stopping, Hermes."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>On the side of the road was a horse laden with a large amount of luggage, drinking from the lake. Near it was a man with a hat over his face, sleeping on his back. The sound of the motorrad's engine woke him.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The young man, who appeared to be in his twenties, wore riding pants and boots, a thin jacket, and a hand Persuader holster on his right hip containing a forty caliber automatic. </div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The man waved to the approaching motorrad.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Hey," he called out to Kino as she brought the motorrad to a stop.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Kino got off the motorrad and put down the kickstand, leaving the engine running.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Hello."</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Howdy."</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Kino and Hermes greeted him.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Are you from the country to the east of here?" the man asked, and Kino shook her head.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"No, I'm traveling. I was in that country for three days and I just left a little bit ago."</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Is that so... There's something I'd like to ask but..."</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"What might that be?"</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The man's face clouded and he said in a serious tone, "I heard from a traveler I met by chance that that country is safe and pleasant, and that it's a gentlemanly place, so that's why I came here." Then he asked, "...is that true?"</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Yes, you're not mistaken," Kino replied and the man's face relaxed. "But that might depend somewhat on what your feelings are," added Kino.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"My country? Yeah, it was a rough place... Security was the worst. Every day there were multiple murders. I even had to kill and steal from God knows how many people to protect my own life. Even they would've liked to have a normal life... I don't want to kill anyone any more. So I left that unpleasant country and now I want to live in a safe one."</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"I see. In that case, I think you'll definitely like the country up ahead. There's an old man named Mr. Legal, who it'd be nice if you could visit. If you talk about stories from your travels, I think he'd tell you lots of things too."</div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"That right? Thanks for the tip," the man said.</div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>After that, Kino asked the man all about the road ahead and the country she was heading to next and the man told her honestly what he knew.</div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Kino thanked him and made to leave.</div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Oh, there was one more thing I wanted to ask..." the man called out and stopped her. "In fact, I heard one strange thing concerning that country when I was in the neighboring country. But could it really be true...? If you happen to know any details..."</div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"What sort of thing?" Kino asked.</div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The man hesitated a little and shook his head. "Nah, it's fine. It's so strange, I don't even believe it. It's too disconnected from common sense. It's something I'd find out as soon as I got there anyway, so I'll just find out with my own eyes."</div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Is that so... Well then, I think we'll be going now."</div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>"Right, bye then."</div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The motorrad drove off and the man got on horseback and headed east.</div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>The man was jostled on the horses back. "Is it really true...?" he muttered. "That in that country they pile up the crepes like mountains."</div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-HcVGubspaqs/UpYekWKIZGI/AAAAAAAAUv0/DO1ySHgaD1M/s1600/kino+no+tabi+5+2+end.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-HcVGubspaqs/UpYekWKIZGI/AAAAAAAAUv0/DO1ySHgaD1M/s1600/kino+no+tabi+5+2+end.jpg" /></a></div>
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</span>Linkumshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12194405610935261428noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-973744659712314883.post-46251301809573084332013-11-08T14:44:00.000-05:002013-11-08T14:45:41.432-05:00Doge Avenger<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Linkumshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12194405610935261428noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-973744659712314883.post-23950658446804638392013-11-01T19:32:00.000-04:002013-11-01T19:32:03.716-04:00As a college graduate, this is my most useful degree<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-WhCgaoMLICg/UnKv-JbeM3I/AAAAAAAAUp8/08yYOeefCiA/s1600/most+useful+degree.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; display: inline !important; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-WhCgaoMLICg/UnKv-JbeM3I/AAAAAAAAUp8/08yYOeefCiA/s1600/most+useful+degree.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">(Originally posted to Facebook and <a href="http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/1hkya5/as_a_college_graduate_this_is_my_most_useful/">/r/funny</a> on July 3rd, 2013)<br />Photo taken in my parents' basement, where I live. No joke.</span></td></tr>
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Linkumshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12194405610935261428noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-973744659712314883.post-56851666388610307112013-10-31T15:45:00.000-04:002013-10-31T15:45:23.100-04:00Messiah College Disc Golf Course Review<div style="text-align: center;">
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<tr><td><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-E-YYsir77a4/UnKydXaS4PI/AAAAAAAAUqI/jWYk60uLTbc/s1600/messiah+college+disc+golf+hole%232.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-E-YYsir77a4/UnKydXaS4PI/AAAAAAAAUqI/jWYk60uLTbc/s1600/messiah+college+disc+golf+hole%232.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption">After 30 minutes of searching, we finally found the #2 hole.</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Messiah College Disc Golf Course is one of the best scavenger hunt courses I've ever been to. With 18 metal baskets and 18(ish) corresponding cement trapezoids scattered across the fairly large campus to find, this course offers hours and hours of fun for the whole family. Your search will take you to a variety of locations including, but not limited to, brush covered paths, wide open fields, and swampy woods.<br /><br />Each basket and trapezoid comes marked with a number, which I suspect means that there is an intended order to this hunt. If you have the time, you can try to find each objective in numerical order, but let me warn you that this is a nigh impossible task. Although searching for objects in order brings an innovative and intriguing new twist to the scavenger hunting metagame, I did not feel that the vague hints offered by the arrows sporadically stapled to trees were sufficient to make this mode of play a viable option.<br /><br />There also seems to be a secondary game on this course which involves throwing Frisbees from the cement trapezoids to each matching metal basket. If I were to recommend this course, I would suggest making it a two-day event. On the first day, do the scavenger hunt and take note of the location of each basket. On the second day, return with Frisbees to attempt the Disc Basketball course with the foreknowledge of each goal's location.<br /><br />See if you can beat my score! I found baskets 1, 2 (with help, after 30 min.), 12, 13, 14, 15, 17, 18; and trapezoids 1, 2, and 15.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; text-align: center;">(Originally posted to Facebook on June 28th, 2013)</span></div>
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Linkumshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12194405610935261428noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-973744659712314883.post-65283038176913637152013-10-29T18:49:00.000-04:002013-10-29T18:49:25.735-04:00He's the man bakers look up to.<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-3F9U6d_xqvY/UnA6FQJz4oI/AAAAAAAAUps/c20HFwo82H8/s1600/roll+model.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-3F9U6d_xqvY/UnA6FQJz4oI/AAAAAAAAUps/c20HFwo82H8/s1600/roll+model.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-large;">He's their roll model.</span></td></tr>
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Linkumshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12194405610935261428noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-973744659712314883.post-83030720631332003632013-10-29T12:08:00.000-04:002013-10-29T12:08:12.638-04:00Reliable Couch and Lifelong Friend - $50<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">(Originally posted to Craigslist on October 4th, 2013. <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/09/lifelong-friend-craigslist_n_4071772.html">Featured on Huffington Post</a> on October 9th, 2013.)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Original ad title: "Floral sofa - best couch your butt has ever felt"</span></div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-W5afk-8WVZk/Um_bVTKY1aI/AAAAAAAAUpc/6hwoKpLU_T8/s1600/Reliable+couch+and+lifelong+friend.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="350" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-W5afk-8WVZk/Um_bVTKY1aI/AAAAAAAAUpc/6hwoKpLU_T8/s400/Reliable+couch+and+lifelong+friend.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />This sofa comes highly recommended by myself. It's been with me through thick and thin and I typically spend twelve or more hours a day firmly planted upon it. Over the years, it has never let my butt reach the ground. And I've been nice to it too; it's in good condition, has its arm covers, and its beautiful, unstained, floral design will remind you of the great outdoors without the bees or pollen.<br /><br />With dimensions of 86" wide x 37" deep x 32.5" high, it'll be sure to fit anywhere you want it.<br /><br />Let me lay out the details for you.<br /><br />Pros:<br />-Awesome floral design<br />-Arm covers<br />-Skirted, so you can hide all your crap underneath<br />-Comes with matching pillows<br />-Seats three normal sized humans, or two (also human) sumo wrestlers with a small cat<br />-Comes from a home of non-smokers<br />-Made by House of Edinboro<br /><br />Cons:<br />-You won't want to get off of it<br />-It squeaks a bit with the joy of being sat on (not, like, a ton, but I don't want to waste your time if you can't handle that)<br /><br />You might wonder why I would want to get rid of such a wonderful couch. I would wonder the same thing, but the reason is only known by my mother, whose thoughts cannot be fathomed by mere mortals.<br /><br />I wanted to sell it for $5,000, but just for you and because my parents insisted, I'm posting it for the low low price of $50. It's essentially the best couch you'll ever find on craigslist for this cheap. You should probably buy it immediately so you don't miss out.</span>Linkumshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12194405610935261428noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-973744659712314883.post-37064768971533030682013-10-28T15:32:00.000-04:002013-10-28T15:32:17.689-04:003 Reasons to Give Up On Ever Learning Japanese<div style="font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You're not gonna
believe me, especially after this article, but Japanese is actually not as hard
to learn as everybody thinks it is. This makes it the ideal field of study for
people who want to appear smart with minimal effort at the expense of never finding
a related job. That said, there may be a <span style="font-style: italic;">few</span>
things about the language that are a <span style="font-style: italic;">teensy</span>
bit way more complicated than necessary.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Counting</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Alright, so you've
started learning a new language. Good job. One of the first things you'll want
to do is learn how to count stuff. Fair enough, just memorize the words for the
numbers and you're set, right? Whoa now, slow down there, sport! In Japanese,
if you want to say how many of something there are - let's say the number of
girls you've been turned down by, for example - you can't just say
"307" or someone might reply in the condescending voice of your 2nd
grade teacher and ask, "307 <span style="font-style: italic;">what</span>,
Ryan?" Of course, it should be obvious that you're talking about 307
girls, but you need to actually go out of your way to indicate that. It turns
out that there are suffixes you need to add to the number according to what it
is you're counting. For example, for people, add "nin", for flat
objects, add "mai", and for glasses of drink (or octopi, for some
reason), add "hai". Not only are there literally bazillions (I
counted) of different counters to memorize, they sometimes change a bit when
you add them or are entirely different for certain numbers. Basically, if you
need to quantify something in Japanese, you're better off grunting and
communicating with eyebrow gestures.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Being
Polite (or not)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ok, so maybe now
you've gotten some more Japanese under your tightly fitting belt and you're
thinking "Gee willikers, Japanese verb conjugation is actually way easier
than it is in stuff like Spanish." Well you'd be right. In Japanese, you
don't have to change the verb based on who the subject is and you can just use
the same forms from present tense for future tense. It's stupidly simple. But
don't worry, all you fans of mind-numbing memorization, Japanese still has
plenty of conjugations for you to flood your mind with, they're just hidden
where you'd never think to look: in polite conversations. I can tell you from
experience that most Japanese people are annoyingly polite (or more clever and
roundabout in their impoliteness). The language reflects that cultural focus on
politeness by having whole new forms of verbs depending on whether you're
talking to your boss, your sister, or your yakuza cohorts. Sometimes it's as
easy as learning another verb ending, but many times you'll use an entirely
different word that means the same thing, but which is more (or less) polite.
So as an example, if you want to tell your boss to go rot in the depths of the
underworld, you should be sure to use "irassharu" for "go"
instead of "iku". You wouldn't want to be rude, after all.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Reading
and Writing</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm pretty sure the
Japanese writing system is the entire reason that everyone thinks the language
is impossible to learn. They see some scribbles, think "I can't understand
that", and then give up and return to their coloring books. On the bright
side, you don't have to worry about getting hooked on phonics to memorize all
the rules and exceptions of pronunciation like you would if you were learning
English as a second language. Japanese has hardly any sounds and they're all
pronounced the same way every time. You can even write out words phonetically
using Hiragana and Katakana. You <span style="font-style: italic;">can </span>write
them that way, but you wouldn't unless you're a kindergartner or an idiot.
Instead you'll be using those two alphabets of 46 characters each in
combination with the imported Chinese characters called kanji of which there
are 6,000ish in modern use. But don't worry, even though learning each kanji is
harder than memorizing the random configuration of a pile of dropped chopsticks
while blindfolded, you really only need to know closer to 2,000 to get by in
everyday situations.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But apart from those
three things, Japanese is a piece of cake. Really. You'll be watching your
Dragon Balls and playing imported video games by noon tomorrow.</span></div>
Linkumshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12194405610935261428noreply@blogger.com1