Monday, February 10, 2014

I wiped my butt with a potato chip

What follows is the story of a dream I had on February 9th, 2014.

"How did it come to this? I was in the bathroom and just had a rather cathartic poop, but it was now time to wipe. It wasn't that there was no toilet paper to be had, but for some reason I was determined not to use it. Instead, I used the next best thing: a potato chip. The potato chip had supportive ridges, granting it the structural integrity to resist the force of my pressing butt cheeks. I dug in with it and was barely able to scratch the surface of some unwilling poop.

I knew that my muscle memory and force of habit would be a dangerous combination and that if I wasn't careful, I may accidentally consume this soiled chip without thinking. I looked at the chip and pondered this for several moments. It was only by summoning all of my willpower that I was able to resist the illogical draw of muscle memory and throw away the once appetizing potato chip.

Thanks to the scooping ability of the chip, I was able to finish my business and exit the restroom.

Hail corporate."

1 comment:

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...